Connor Emmel

Connor Emmel

ENG 111-DJ

Future Self Letter

11 December 2014

Mr. Emmel

Dear Mr. Emmel,

I hope that you are having a phenomenal day.  Hopefully you kissed you hot wife goodbye before heading to your own international business in your Ferrari.  You might be meeting with some of your executives today and a potential client that may spend billions for your company’s services and products.  So, make sure everything you learned in English 111- DJ you’re your dynamite professor, Morgan Leckie. 

One thing you need to make sure you do is have your executives review your work before you present it.  You learned in English that you can’t just write a paper then turn it in without any peers reviewing it.  Remember when you read “Shitty Rough Drafts?”  When you have your peers, well I should say subordinates now, review your work they will be able to provide insight that your dumbass may not have thought of.  Your overall work will turn out much better with their help.  Also, your structure will be kept in check if you were frantically writing to get your work done.  By the way, do shit earlier.  You spent so much time stressing out because you were doing things last minute.  Like come one, honestly, you would have so much more fun if you didn’t procrastinate or put things off.  Getting back on track, you also learned how to effectively use rhetoric to make a statement in your paper and just give it that overall wow factor.  Remember when you didn’t know what the hell rhetoric even was?  Well, you should now, so make sure you use it to impact your paper for the better. 

Another thing Mr. Emmel, make sure you talk to your marketing department to make sure they are using logos, pathos, and ethos.  All three of those are a necessity when it comes to effective writing.  Just in case you forgot, logos is an appeal to logic, and is a way of persuading an audience by reason, pathos is an appeal to emotion, and is a way of convincing an audience of an argument by creating an emotional response, and ethos is an appeal to ethics, and it is a means of convincing someone of the character or credibility of the persuader.  Knowing you, you probably did so make sure you re-read those definitions a couple more times.  With that said, read your papers out loud to yourself like you did in college.  It sounds dumb, but it helped you hear how stupid you sounded with some of your phrasing. 

I know you like to be prompt and thorough as possible, so let me start to wrap this up.  Remember your goals and dreams you had when you were younger?  If you did anything else other than achieve them stop whatever it is you are wasting your life with and go achieve those dreams.  You want to run your own company and eventually grow it and take it public.  You didn’t have any GREAT ideas yet so hopefully one hit you and you built your business off of that.  Also, you were really into fitness so hopefully you are much bigger and stronger.  If you have kids that’s great.  Just make sure if you have a daughter that she is a respectable young women.  You don’t want her twerking like Miley Cyrus all over a bunch of guys.  Miley still alive?  If you have a son have him grow up just like you.  But make sure he’s nicer to his mom than you were.  Honestly, you were kind of a dick.  Yeah, I said it.  You started to realize it when you were younger and fixed it, but if you never were in the first place you wouldn’t have had nearly as many arguments.  All in all, keep kickin ass, have tons of fun, and never, I mean never, let someone bring you down.

 

Best,

 

Connor Emmel

 

Ps.  You better be the “fuckin man” when you sing “I’m the man, I’m the man, I’m the man.”